“There’s a demon named ‘Drama,’” I heard my friend say over coffee this week. She quickly paused and then said, “you know, if you believe in those things.” I assured her that I do and had had more than a tussle or two with Drama over the years.
For me, my Drama is more internal than external. My mind creates scenarios based on half-truths and dwells on the what-ifs. My heart rate gets worked up and before long, I have lost my joy; I have lost my vision because all I can focus on is what is playing in my mind. It’s debilitating. It’s life-sucking. I’ve lost weeks of my life over the years due to Drama. Therefore, she has accomplished what she set out to do.
She not only sets out to steal our joy, derail our focus, and keep us from living life to its fullest, but most importantly, she succeeds when we look outside Christ for our identity and help. It’s easy to beat ourselves up, to see our faults, our insecurities, weaknesses, failures, etc. This is where my Drama lives and stifles me, but for some I know it’s the opposite: the need to be right, the best, the most…. Drama’s spectrum runs from the humble to the proud. Regardless, of where we find ourselves, the method: comparison and results: feeling less than, are the same.
Drama hurts, but it’s easy.
It’s easy to question “What if” instead of saying, “Even if.”
It’s easy to live as a victim rather than proclaiming victory (even in the midst of the storm).
It’s easy to blame rather than take responsibility (even if we are not the initial cause of the situation).
Drama is easy. Freedom is work.
I think that’s why she easily possesses us; why we don’t see her stealthily taking up residence in our thoughts. We’ve let down our shield. We’ve stopped fighting.
I’ve heard the expression, “What you focus on, you magnify” or maybe it’s “You magnify what you focus on;” regardless, the expression rings true. If we’re looking at our pain, at our failures, at how we’ve been wronged, those things will become magnified, they will begin to take up more space in our thoughts and before long, they will consume us. I’ve been overcome with pain. I’ve been overcome with obstacles outside my ability to navigate. I’ve looked fear in the eye more times than I can count. I know my Drama. I can see her a mile out. I feel my heart escalate as the wheels in my mind begin to spin uncontrollably. Her scent is haunting– melodic even– because it’s familiar. It is anything but safe, of course, but we gravitate toward her because like those worn out jeans, they fit so good, they’re comfortable, and we know exactly who we are in them.
Maybe freedom is harder because it requires looking outside ourselves, requires us to focus on something abstract. Maybe it’s because we fear loosing control. For me, because my Drama resolves around insecurity, my life grinds to a halt and I find security in my cocoon. It’s warm in here; safe; though the air suffocates me. My Drama also known as Fear isolates me, holds me captive. Every phone call that I allow to go to voice mail, every invitation I decline, every opportunity I turn down has become a trigger for me to STOP–name it as FEAR and say, “Fear is not of God.” And if I allow my mind to travel down that path a bit, I ask myself, “If fear is not of God, who is it of?” Fear is a living, breathing beast who masks itself as Drama.
I am done holding still. I am done hiding. If I ever hope to grow, ever hope that God will lead me to His good and perfect plan then I must keep moving. He can’t move a parked car, as they saying goes. So, to my Drama, I say, “To hell with you” Literally. I am embracing my God. I may not always know who I am, but I know who He is. So I pray:
You are my Protector
You are my Comfort
You are my Peace
You are my Joy
You are my Rock
You are my Life
You are my Shield
You are my Redeemer
You are my Provider
You are my Salvation….
When I pray Who He is, it puts Drama in her place because all of a sudden it’s not about me, it’s not about my situation, or what he/she said, or what is happening in my world all around me. It is all about Him.