The Leafless Tree

Her hands wrenching against her still swollen-- yet now lifeless belly. Mine equally wrenching against mine, where once I had nurtured her to life and held her and cradled her and dreamed all her same dreams. Dreams that had been dashed by a heart that stopped too soon. Her hands barren of ornament, mine dotted … Continue reading The Leafless Tree

Grief’s Cocoon

Alone in the doctor’s office, our silence gave way to heart wrenching cries—cries that mingled between that of suffocating grief and one of battle; a battle where our only ammunition was to hope bigger, to hope deeper and longer and wider---and to pray ceaselessly for a miracle, for the doctors to have been wrong, for … Continue reading Grief’s Cocoon

Single and Pregnant in the Church

You know that level of gratitude where your eyes flood with tears and that lump gets caught in your throat; the kind that nearly brings you to your knees because---because well, grace? I find myself in this place often, actually. These past weeks I’ve been transported back to a time of incredible insecurity, unknowns, and … Continue reading Single and Pregnant in the Church

Anything Worth Having…

“Anything which gives us an opportunity to see God is worth having.” (C.H. Spurgeon) My eyes brimmed with tears as I sat with these words---I sat so long that my criss-crossed legs began to cramp and my heart moved from a place of utter turmoil and unparalleled mourning to a spirit of gladness; to a … Continue reading Anything Worth Having…

“And Mean It!”

My parents had some unconventional ways of dealing with my siblings and me when we needed some….redirecting. For example, when my brother, Joel and I were about 7 and 8 years old, we got into trouble and as a consequence, my brother who loved to mow the lawn—was literally *obsessed* with mowing the lawn-- was … Continue reading “And Mean It!”

How I Overcame Fear

I’m not usually a fearful person. I can harness those lurking shadows that threaten to quicken my heart rate and rob me of my joy. I can figuratively hold fear in my hands and evaluate it; deciphering what hidden truth is being masked as something altogether different. I’ve learned to question my fear in an … Continue reading How I Overcame Fear

There’s a Demon Named “Drama”

“There’s a demon named ‘Drama,’” I heard my friend say over coffee this week. She quickly paused and then said, “you know, if you believe in those things.” I assured her that I do and had had more than a tussle or two with Drama over the years. For me, my Drama is more internal … Continue reading There’s a Demon Named “Drama”

I Don’t Go to Church Anymore

I forgot that Satan lives in the Church as much as Christ does. I forgot that he is comfortable and remains undetected as he intricately, methodically, and tirelessly attempts to weave the three D’s: dissention, distance, disgrace shrouded in truth in to the hearts of all its attenders. I’ve known this for a good number … Continue reading I Don’t Go to Church Anymore

A Second Victimization

Inside, my emotions were wickedly raging; an inferno of sorts-- but not the kind that subsides with time, but rather the kind that silently swelters and smolders bitter anger for a long time—for a long, loooong time before it unleashes its fury. But my daughters didn’t see that. Instead, what stared back at them were … Continue reading A Second Victimization