How I’m Learning to Get Real with God

Sometimes I’m not all good with God. Sometimes I’m so damn mad, frustrated, and even disappointed in Him. I know as a good Christian girl, I am expected to keep feelings like this to myself and surrender them to Christ, let His Word calm the raging seas that threaten to devour me, and trust that … Continue reading How I’m Learning to Get Real with God

The Leafless Tree

Her hands wrenching against her still swollen-- yet now lifeless belly. Mine equally wrenching against mine, where once I had nurtured her to life and held her and cradled her and dreamed all her same dreams. Dreams that had been dashed by a heart that stopped too soon. Her hands barren of ornament, mine dotted … Continue reading The Leafless Tree

Grief’s Cocoon

Alone in the doctor’s office, our silence gave way to heart wrenching cries—cries that mingled between that of suffocating grief and one of battle; a battle where our only ammunition was to hope bigger, to hope deeper and longer and wider---and to pray ceaselessly for a miracle, for the doctors to have been wrong, for … Continue reading Grief’s Cocoon

Single and Pregnant in the Church

You know that level of gratitude where your eyes flood with tears and that lump gets caught in your throat; the kind that nearly brings you to your knees because---because well, grace? I find myself in this place often, actually. These past weeks I’ve been transported back to a time of incredible insecurity, unknowns, and … Continue reading Single and Pregnant in the Church

Anything Worth Having…

“Anything which gives us an opportunity to see God is worth having.” (C.H. Spurgeon) My eyes brimmed with tears as I sat with these words---I sat so long that my criss-crossed legs began to cramp and my heart moved from a place of utter turmoil and unparalleled mourning to a spirit of gladness; to a … Continue reading Anything Worth Having…

“And Mean It!”

My parents had some unconventional ways of dealing with my siblings and me when we needed some….redirecting. For example, when my brother, Joel and I were about 7 and 8 years old, we got into trouble and as a consequence, my brother who loved to mow the lawn—was literally *obsessed* with mowing the lawn-- was … Continue reading “And Mean It!”

Half a Piece of Pecan Pie, Please

Calf length fur coat, oversized costume jewels and thick black curls that framed an aging beauty-- her disposition was nothing short of graceful and her words feathery soft, but it was her smile that drew me in. It was a crooked smile lined with bright red lipstick that held a sadness that a bystander might … Continue reading Half a Piece of Pecan Pie, Please

How I Overcame Fear

I’m not usually a fearful person. I can harness those lurking shadows that threaten to quicken my heart rate and rob me of my joy. I can figuratively hold fear in my hands and evaluate it; deciphering what hidden truth is being masked as something altogether different. I’ve learned to question my fear in an … Continue reading How I Overcame Fear